No one will ever understand what i've been through.Unless you been to what i've been.For 27 years i live in this world aging makes no sense because death is very near to me but i don't want to say i'll die tomorrow because i will not gave up that easily.I'll fight till my last breath.Last year(2011) march i was diagnose with breast cancer stage 3.It was a night mare.It took all i am to tell you this but if i want to live tomorrow and aging i will be brave to tell you what happen to me.There is a lump appear on my right side breast since 2006 and yet it never cross my mind it was cancer.I am healthy and active physical and mentally so,i never would have thought to have the cancer.I when to several investigation and procedure to make sure it is real that i have cancer.The night mare continue when the doctor told me that my right breast had to be total removed(mastectomy).How does it feel? it feel like your eyes were blind ,my whole life was shut down on that moment the doctor told me that.Yes i cry so much that  i didnt feel afraid of dying or loosing a part of me ,crying because i cannot run away from this problem/sickness i need to faced it and that is most hurt and hard to do.Done the mastectomy on july 2011.It didn't stop there,after the surgery i went to oncology and my oncologies told me that i have to undergo 6 circle of chemotherapy/15 circle of radiotherapy/15 circle of herceptin/yearly of ct scan/3 monthly of echogram and 5 years of continue taken tamoxifen tablet.That was the doctor plan.I'm very happy to share with all my close friends that i've done/finish the chemotherapy and radiotherapy.Through the days when i went to chemotherapy was the worst part of being a cancer patient.I lost my hair,eyebrow,eyelashes and i felt the sickness of  the worst of all vomitting everyday,restless,loss of appetite,heavy dizziness etc.All i can say it is the worst ever feeling i felt and i will never want to faced it again.after i've done chemotherapy/radiotherapy (may 2012) i got some more bad news.My oncologies also told me that i  have a major talasemia which mean my red blood sell is not normal.Once again i cry this time i question God,WHY?WHY ME? is it not enough what i've been trhough.Till today i never get my answer and till today i'll try to live for one more day and try not to feel miserable.The last ct scan result which was on the july 2012 the result turn out to be very good and the doctor say i've done a very good job with myself and i tent to keep it that way.And if one day God take me home i wanted you all to know that what we have today was not permenantly.We rent this life and pay it with different ways.Even we died not a single thing or memory we take with us we leave all in this world only our soul will be lost.

Close the door when you leave

I never asked you to visit me...at least i don't
believe i did
Maybe...I don't know
It's confusing

At any rate,you're a rude guest
You take my energy,rob my sleep,and with a stick
You swirl and distort my dreams

All right;You are here-for now
But understand
There are two places that are off limits

You may not tread on my spirit
You may not occupy my soul

I have heard of your visits to others
I know the damage you leave in your path
The wanton disregard for innocence,value and
what some would call fairness

Also,i hear that laughter confuses you;that good
food make you feel bad,and
That nothing causes you more distress than an
autumn sunset,the forever blue of a summer sky,
Or the unconditional radiance of a child's smile

Listen and understand
You might pilfer my closets,empty all the drawers,
and trash my house
But there are two places off limits

You may not tread on my spirit
You may not occupy my soul

Do not mistake my nausea,weakness,and pain as
signs of your victory
They are simply small dents in the armor i wear
to fight you
Instead,look deeply into my eyes

They will once again remind you that there are
two places forever off limits

You must not...
May not...
Will not tread on my spirit

You must not...
May not...
Will occupy my soul

-Michael Hayes Samuelson
(male breast cancer survivor)